{"id":131170,"date":"2024-02-09T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-02-09T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/yorbestlife.com\/?p=131170"},"modified":"2024-04-03T11:44:41","modified_gmt":"2024-04-03T15:44:41","slug":"how-to-address-whats-really-causing-your-avoidance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yorbestlife.com\/index.php\/2024\/02\/09\/how-to-address-whats-really-causing-your-avoidance\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Address What\u2019s Really Causing Your Avoidance"},"content":{"rendered":"<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">By <a href=\"http:\/\/leobabauta.com\/\">Leo Babauta<\/a><\/h4>\n<p>When we are procrastinating, avoiding exercise or some other habit we want to create, or avoiding taking on a difficult project \u2026 the underlying cause is rarely what we think it is.<\/p>\n<p>We think that all we need to do is do the thing we\u2019re avoiding, and stop procrastinating. Simple! But then when we fail, we wonder what\u2019s wrong with us.<\/p>\n<p>The problem is that we aren\u2019t really addressing the real cause. We\u2019re addressing the symptom, and while there are tactics that can help with the symptom, they rarely last for very long.<\/p>\n<p>So what causes our avoidance? <strong>An underlying emotional current<\/strong>. Some kind of inner state.<\/p>\n<p>Let me walk you through it:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>You\u2019re feeling a certain way<\/strong> \u2014 because of the way your life is going, you might be feeling overwhelmed, anxious, afraid, sad, lonely, emotionally exhausted, frustrated, battered by life.<\/li>\n<li><strong>You resist that emotional state<\/strong> \u2014 you don\u2019t want to feel that way, so you resist letting yourself feel it. This resistance is usually in the form of distraction, like online distraction, busywork, messaging, etc.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Facing difficult things is harder in this emotional state<\/strong> \u2014 turning toward a difficult project, or clearing clutter, or dealing with a thousand emails \u2026 these are all overwhelming in the best of times. But being in a difficult emotional state makes it even harder. No wonder we\u2019re avoiding!<\/li>\n<li><strong>We try to overcome our avoidance with tactics<\/strong> \u2014 we try to coerce ourselves to do the thing we\u2019re avoiding, with tactics. \u201cNo distractions, only work today!\u201d And it sometimes works, but because the underlying emotional state hasn\u2019t been addressed, it never lasts long. We go back to avoidance.<\/li>\n<li><strong>This makes us feel bad, and worsens the underlying emotional state<\/strong> \u2014 we feel bad about ourselves when we revert to avoidance. This only adds to whatever emotional state was already there. Go back to the first step above, and repeat, with some added emotional stress!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Any of this sound familiar? It\u2019s what we\u2019re all going through, every day, usually without knowing it. Even if we\u2019re aware, we\u2019re rarely actually facing it, because we\u2019re resisting the emotional state.<\/p>\n<p>So the two problems to address are:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>We\u2019re unaware of the emotional state causing avoidance.<\/li>\n<li>We resist the emotion, whether we\u2019re aware of it or not.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>Let\u2019s talk about how to address these issues, so we can address the real cause of avoidance.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Bringing Awareness to the Inner State<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>The key is to notice when you\u2019re avoiding something. Is there a project, task, conversation, or personal habit you\u2019re putting off?<\/p>\n<p>Alternatively, you could notice that you\u2019re caught up in distraction \u2014 messaging, social media, email, busywork, Youtube, Netflix, news sites, forums, etc. Doing a little of this is always cool, but if you are caught up doing it a lot, then this is a sign you\u2019re probably avoiding.<\/p>\n<p>Once you notice your avoiding or caught up in distraction \u2026 see if you can notice your underlying inner state. Are you feeling sad, grieving or lonely? Overwhelmed, afraid, anxious? Frustrated, angry, resentful, burdened? Hurt, unloved, unseen?<\/p>\n<p>At this point, you don\u2019t have to do anything about the emotional state. Just notice. The more you bring awareness, the more you\u2019ll be able to address it at some point.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Not Resisting the Emotion<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>If you\u2019re avoiding or caught in distraction, it\u2019s a good bet that you\u2019re resisting the emotion. That means that you don\u2019t want to feel it \u2014 you feel there\u2019s something wrong with feeling sad, angry, anxious, etc. In your head, you might think there\u2019s nothing wrong with these feelings \u2026 but there\u2019s a part of you that doesn\u2019t want to feel them. Maybe you think you can\u2019t handle it, or it\u2019s too hard.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s nothing wrong with resisting the emotion. It\u2019s human to resist! But as long as we\u2019re resisting it, it will have a power over us, and avoidance becomes unavoidable.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re up for letting go of your resistance, the practice is just to let yourself feel the emotion. Just feel sad, lonely, anxious, frustrated. Sit in stillness for a few minutes, and just let yourself feel it. The main instruction is to relax \u2014 let your body and mind relax, as the emotion comes up.<\/p>\n<p>Surrender to the emotion. It\u2019s rarely that difficult, and will usually only last for a minute or three. If it\u2019s too intense, you can stop \u2014 do something to take your mind off it.<\/p>\n<p>Whether you\u2019re able to surrender to it or not, give yourself a few minutes of self-care after. Give yourself compassion, love, a nice warm cup of tea. Get a hug from someone, or talk to a friend or therapist. And acknowledge yourself for whatever you were able to do.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>How Not to Avoid<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>Putting this all together, here\u2019s how to create a shift so you aren\u2019t avoiding as much \u2026\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Notice when you\u2019re avoiding or stuck in distraction.<\/p>\n<p>Notice the underlying inner emotional state.<\/p>\n<p>Surrender to the emotional state, letting yourself feel it. Relax.<\/p>\n<p>Give yourself some love and self-care.<\/p>\n<p>Once you\u2019ve done that, you should be much clearer. Now see if your heart is more open to taking on what you\u2019re avoiding.<\/p>\n<p>Just do 5 minutes of what you\u2019re avoiding, to start with, to give yourself an emotional victory. It\u2019ll open your heart even more.<\/p>\n<p>Dance in victory!<\/p>\n<p>The post <a href=\"https:\/\/zenhabits.net\/whats-causing-your-avoidance\/\">How to Address What\u2019s Really Causing Your Avoidance<\/a> appeared first on <a href=\"https:\/\/zenhabits.net\">zen habits<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Leo Babauta When we are procrastinating, avoiding exercise or some other habit we want to create, or avoiding taking [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":131165,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[176,177,185],"tags":[179,180,186],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yorbestlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131170"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yorbestlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yorbestlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yorbestlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yorbestlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=131170"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/yorbestlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131170\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":131171,"href":"https:\/\/yorbestlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131170\/revisions\/131171"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yorbestlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/131165"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yorbestlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=131170"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yorbestlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=131170"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yorbestlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=131170"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}